Bye.

Tears fill my eyes everytime I think about my life,

Truths like, despite everything, God still loves me, and I dont understand why?

 

He’s calling me away, I’m too scared to make that sacrifice,

Something like, im not really gonna win, all i do is try,

Try, Try, Try – it hits me, the truth is, is not even me that suppose to do this,

Purely by grace, time for me to submit.

Hand it over to you, into your hands do I commit myself, I hear you calling, Lord im drawing,

Nearer, Nearer, Nearer….Let all that I read and hear become a reality,

I’m ready to believe that Jesus died and rose so that I can be FREE.

 

Job 22

Job 22:21-30

²¹Acquaint now yourself with Him [agree with God and show yourself to be conformed to His will] and be at peace; by that [you shall prosper and great] good shall come to you.

²²Receive, I pray you, the law and instruction from His mouth and lay up His words in your heart.^(E)

²³If you return to the Almighty [and submit and humble yourself before Him], you will be built up; if you put away unrighteousness far from your tents,

²⁴If you lay gold in the dust, and the gold of Ophir among the stones of the brook [considering them of little worth],

²⁵And make the Almighty your gold and [the Lord] your precious silver treasure,

²⁶Then you will have delight in the Almighty, and you will lift up your face to God.

²⁷You will make your prayer to Him, and He will hear you, and you will pay your vows.

²⁸You shall also decide and decree a thing, and it shall be established for you; and the light [of God’s favor] shall shine upon your ways.

²⁹When they make [you] low, you will say, [There is] a lifting up; and the humble person He lifts up and saves.

³⁰He will even deliver the one [for whom you intercede] who is not innocent; yes, he will be delivered through the cleanness of your hands.

Why Does He Bother?

I Run, im sprinting,
I’m trying to hide but He’s still there,
He’s everywhere,
LORD, I can’t keep saying yes but living no,
LORD, let me go and leave me,
I’m not worthy, I can’t overcome,
I keep losing, whats victory?
Thinking and knowing I could/should win but never will/do?
I love you too much, fear you too much, to even say one and do another,
I desperately need you, then again I’m scared I because I feel I’ve never had you
And can I now?

Mind is on overload, just tryna think straight, tryna think pure,
Seems like every good thought just gets perverse,
Really? How long will you battle in mind Satan? Do you want my soul that bad?
Seems like the whole of hell is determined to say “this one, will be no more”,
Everyday is a constant war,
Look to left some are soaring, look to right some are existing but seem okay,
I’m i in the middle ground? Limping between two decisions?
Join the living? Or join the dead?

Despite all that I go through, if there’s anything I still wanna do, is say “Jehovah, I praise you”,
That LORD I look over the years and see a sinner getting saved daily by GRACE,
But its like thats the only point I get to, and it still hasn’t stuck in yet,
And this what makes me mad, because all control has gone,
Yet I’m told to trust in You.

All I can do is fall on my face, offer up my body,
God, how long will battle with my heart? Are you truly that faithful?
LORD, I dont get this love, I dont get this commitment, I don’t get this point that you ain’t leaving.
Teach me,
Cause I’m tired and as I lay, My continual prayer is “Lord, teach me, hold me, let Your love surround me”

One wonder I get in this “place”, that you LORD continue to fight we, continue to pursue me, continue to remain faithful when I’m faithless.

I don’t understand, so I sit and wait….and continually to think “Why does He bother with me?”

 

 

Brother A. 2011 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart)

Hebrews 12:2

Hebrews 12:2

“looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

 

JOY, a future event, gave an immediate effect, that produce constant obedience, to see the promise of God come to pass.

 

He saw this future event by faith, and the hope of this coming to pass, allowed him to endure everything for this event. This JOY was US. The thought of being reconciling his people back to Him and redeeming them, paying the ultimate price, not that they may be of fit use of service, but to enter a everlasting love covenant, to become one once again after sin had seperated that.

 

By faith He believed and knew the word of God will come to pass, and this assurance (HOPE) allowed Him to endured.

 

His faith, obedience, has now put Him in a position of power, authority at the right-hand side of God. This teaches and gives us a model of what we can also possess if we follow in His footsteps.

 

A moment of suffering, shame, pain for a eternity of being in pure love & joy with His created ones, brought accomplishment to the will of God for His life.

 

Question: what are you looking forward to, that is allowing you to endure everything now?

 

This reminds me of: “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18 NKJV)

 

 

PS. The bible makes perfect sense.

 

21st B-Day Series: Part 1 “Sovereign Lord”

Sovereign LORD

 

Lost. Bound. Confused. Blind. Dead.

 

Losing my mind, thinking I’m going crazy.

Addicted to wanting to be in-between her legs.

Fear gripped me every time I left my house.

Try to my best to be everything I wasn’t just to be accepted.

What’s love?

Mind working overtime, imagination running wild, everything led me to think of death.

Maybe when I die, I will see how many people cry and really love.

Tired. Fed Up. Seems like nothing ever works.

Scapegoat should of been my first name, wasteman my second.

In Year 7 and first cuss was “im ugly” and “mind the ___”.

Battling with identity, conforming to lies.

Putting on a image, trying to hide hurts, it was all a showcare for pride.

Resulted to strength and road to be my shield and protector.

It only used me and abused me.

I live in a 3 bedroom house, mum and dad, 2 brothers, why was I hustling?

Gave all for my boys, deep down I loved them, they were the family I always needed and wanted. But I always had, but failed to acknowledge.

 

At night I’m screaming silently, hate grows within me, I’m longing to hold a 9 finish that yute and then turn it on me!

Got RA on replay through the night, 50’s “somebody gone die tonight” banging out in the morning, Death was the air I breathe, contradiction I know, but that’s how deeply messed up I was.

I would sit at night and write, write, write… hating myself, wishing I was that and had this.

This world stripped me of everything, I was in love with a stripper, because I kept coming back to her.

 

She broke my heart you know, first one I ever ‘loved’ …it’s like she took my heart promised to cherish it, but place it on a plate cut and ate it.

Then spat it out.

She moved on. Day and night I would think about her. They called it soul tied?

I called it robbery of what was rightfully mine, in board daylight!

Got over it, with time being my healer.

 

So much to say, so much say, so messed up on different levels.

No confidence, fearful and timid.

My roadman antic was a show, the real Ayo would cry when he got home.

 

I sit down wanting to make everything flow, but I’m just thinking HOW GREAT IS HE! Because I never searched for him, He came to me. I tasted grace, now I can say I’m free and loved.

 

I could cry, because He just made all my wrongs a right by one drop of his blood. WHY DID HE CHOOSE ME? What did He see in me?

These are questions I can’t help but say when I taste grace?

For inwardly I feel that there must be a price, must be a worth, but nothing I can pay nor do can satisfy his wrath.

 

So, I just step back, and say how great art thou? And who is man that you should be mindful of him? Holy are you O Lord, for there is none like you, there is no-one will can compare to you.

 

Out of all man dem, You came and sought me out, and called me Your own, oh how I love you LORD.

 

 

 

Ezekiel 34:12

11“For thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out.

 

 

 

University Advice…

Hey Guys and Ladies!

I thought I would play my part in being of assistance to you as you embark onto your journey into university. I’m going to keep it short and snappy, cause i know you guys won’t read essays! lol If you got more questions or want in-depth on points made, holla at my line or inbox.

Otherwise, read it through, print it out (if you must) and digest everything I’m about to say.

Key Scriptures

I am going to start of with key scriptures that you should remember whilst at university, that will encourage and help re-focus your mind, APPLY THEM TO YOUR LIFE:

1 Peter 2:16

16Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God.

Matthew 10:33

33But whoever denies and disowns Me before men, I also will deny and disown him before My Father Who is in heaven.

2 TImothy 2:22

22Shun youthful lusts and flee from them, and aim at and pursue righteousness (all that is virtuous and good, right living, conformity to the will of God in thought, word, and deed); [and aim at and pursue] faith, love, [and] peace (harmony and concord with others) in fellowship with all [Christians], who call upon the Lord out of a pure heart. (read up to verse 26)

Here are a few headliners of advice that will help you

Facing the real you

This is the main thing that is going to happen when you reach university. The real you will come out for all to see. No longer in your comfort zone, no longer around the usual people so there isn’t a chance to programme your behaviour. Your out on your own and you will see traces of things that you think you dealt with come up again, you will see yourself no longer leading double life etc. Not saying you ALL do, but to a degree, we don’t usually express whats in us fully in the surroundings of familiarity and common/comfort areas.

The real you will have to answer those questions which you know the right answer to anyway, but you still have that “decision” to make.

This is beautiful, because its an opportunity to prune whatever good you see come out, and cut off/put to death any bad. Its beautiful because its YOU AND GOD. And you can’t lie to yourself no more, and its beautiful, because its a reminder that its TIME TO GROW.

You should yearn for divine insight and wisdom on how to deal with whatever you see come out of you and deal with it from the root to prevent cycles and to receive TRUE/TOTAL freedom.

Letting everyone know the deal from DAY ONE

No lay lay, don’t need to be rude, just need to let people know from day one what your about. And your about your father’s business.

Boys, I have a thing called “No ET”, it means no entertaining or tolerating. This is linked mainly to the whole female thing, and its a thing of not entertaining the lustful desires, and not tolerating anything that comes your way. This is how rigid you have to be, the enemy is desiring to take you out, you should desire to take out whatever he brings you. Same applies to ladies, you know when a guy is moving to you, don’t entertain, open a doorway, thinking you can handle it, its the small foxes that mess up the vine, well its the small seeds that grow to become a tree. Have an attitude of NO ENTERTAINING/TOLERANCE.

Defensive mindsets

THE MAIN BIG ISSUE. Christians have this mindset of going to university just to survive, get by and not backslide. Well if you have this mindset, you have LOST already. Excuse me, we are in a war lest you forget (Ephs 6:10-18). And a solider cannot enter war with doubts and fear, for these two things will take out his boldness, belief and courage to stand.

You ought to go with a mindset of “im the light of the world”, “im more than a conqueror”, “your light has come, and the glory of the LORD is upon you”. This is a chance to shine brighter than ever, in DARKNESS, this is now the time for you to see real power of God flow in your life, its time to make a difference, leave a landmark/legacy, break, heal and restore. It’s time to be all about your suppose to be about. GO ON AN OFFENSE. Defensive mindset and its only a matter of time before Satan corners you and there’s no way out. Please go knowing who you are and where you stand, and releasing whats inside of you.

Academic Success

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE…….beg it with your tutors, lecturers etc. THEY ARE THE ONES MARKING YOUR WORK. And they will help you more than they should, if you show interest and are keen to learn. Be wise, go the extra mile. Lectures ain’t enough, they are guidelines, and yes sometimes even slideshows (depending on your course). University is all about YOU taking full responsibility for your education. This means GOING OUT OF YOUR WAY to learn more and understand fully. Some of you need to read over something 10 times to get it right, DO IT. Some of you twice, DO IT. YOU know yourself, your paying £3,290 a year and you need to make sure you get FULL worth of it. So, dont be a fool, be wise and succeed. Be best friends with the smartest one, he/she will sharpen you, and your MAIN focus is to get a degree remember.

ALL IN ALL, have fun, be merry, and be excited. Remain expectant, don’t be wild, but remain noble, and remember the minute you say your a “christian” EVERYONE is watching you, consciously and unconsciously. Be an example.

DON’T DO ANYTHING YOUR NOT SUPPOSE TO DO, I WON’T STATE DO’S/DON’TS, BE REAL AND HONEST WITH YOURSELF AND LET THE WORD ALONE BE THE STANDARD.

—————————-

FOR YOU SERIOUS FOLKS

Scriptures to meditate on whilst at university (take note):

Romans 12:1-2

Galatians 5:22-26

Galatians 2:20

Psalms 91:1

Psalms 27

Philippians 3:8

Proverbs 3:3-5

Jeremiah 29:11

Romans 8

Psalm 86

Love…

We ought to love one another because He loved us,

So, real love, that is suppose to be in us, reflects the essence of the love of God,

God is love, God demonstrated His love through Christ,

The holy Spirit pours His love into our hearts,

I, me, made in his image and likenesss,

Now have the ability, given with motivation, that constantly compels me to do right, to love….can now love people,

Not love those who love me, but my enemies,

I can now be kidn, patient, keep no record of wrong,

All because I want to, for love resides in me, not just because I was commanded to,

But because I am now born of God,

And He IS Love,

Therefore I love.

I love like He does,

Seeing the best in people,

Always hopeful, always enduring, always bearing,

I love those swimming in sin,

Because He died for me whilst I was still a sinner,

Demonstrating true love,

I have this love in me,

So I can love like this

This love isn’t mere deeds to hear “I like you”,

But its a life of service, from a heart of love sharing and being the “Gospel”,

For a human being’s encounter when meeting Jesus,

Is likened to a car crash with full force into another,

Never the same again,

Permanent change,

Now seeing life from a whole new perspective,

“Everything I thought was good was evil, everything I thought was bad was good”,

They say.

Salvation can be explained in these mere words: “AN ENCOUNTER WITH LOVE.”

The prayer is for every sinner is to know and to become one with this love,

For without it they are “nothing”,

The prayer for the believer is that they never burnt out of this love,

That the know how deep, high, wide and long this love is,

The love that surpasses all knowledge and understanding.

Love burns.

Love conquerors.

Love transforms.

Love brings life.

Love heals.

Love brings wholeness.

Love is sweet.

Love is beautiful.

Love beats the grave.

Love surpasses the ends of sky.

Love is all-consuming.

Love is the best.

Love is the only meaning that will exist forever.

Love is God.

Brother A. 2010 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart)

I Don’t…

I Don’t…

I dont want to be another man LORD,
I dont wanna be another statistic,
another brother, who came, saw, and exist
But one who conquerored and live,
I dont wanna be another preacher,
Another person who was just “mightily” used by God,
I want to be a new breed amongst the believers who’s live spells out one thing: PLEASING TO GOD.

I dont wanna break anyone hearts, let alone yours,
I dont wanna become a victim of walking in my emotions,
I dont wanna walk in the flesh, oh Lord overflow my soul with your spirit’s power,
Let not sin rule over me, for im under grace, and power is here to overcome,
I dont wanna just exist, i wanna live,
Impact, import and bring about a difference,

I dont wanna go back to the old ways,
i dont want to even think about the memories,
Want it all to become a fad to me,
May the glory of the future and what has been promise,
Be an all-consuming fire over my life

Clean mind, clean heart, clean hands,
Pure mind, pure heart, pure hands,
Holy and acceptable unto you,
Without flaw, filled with love,
Pleasing in your sight, found faithful,
Constantly serving with my life, from a heart full of love,
May my life sing this prayer,

Compassion fill me when I go outside and see the mess of sin,
May I never grow cold or harden against evil,
But may my heart grieve as the Father does,
And may I get up like him, and lay down my life in order to expressed the TRUE meaning of love,
That I will be a living sacrifice, for all to see, how great is my God!

Brother A. 2010 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart)

Thankyou

Thankyou…

Thankyou for loving me, thankyou for dying for me, thankyou for saving me.

Thankyou that inspite of all my failures, imperfections, shortcoming,
Im still precious in your sight, a treasure in your hand, made in your very image and likeness,
Continue to transform into that which you declare over me all day long,
I’m humbled by your grace,
I’m humbled by your mercy,
I’m humbled that CREATOR OF ALL,
Has a thing for me, the LEAST OF ALL,
I’m no different to the beggers, or the CEOs,
We are all human beings,
But you see me me and declare greatness,
I don’t see it, but believe it,
And therefore I stop dreaming and pick up your vision,
Open my eyes and see it and follow it,
Hope is my sight, for you are they very reward of my life,
For you are ever-living, I can rest assure, that I don’t see you, but I know you there,
Doing what you do best,
I’m grateful LORD, truly I say thankyou, thankyou
Its CLICHE amongst us christians, but its the ONLY response we can give to you, with our lips and lives,
The ANGELS can’t say thankyou, but we can,
We TRULY praise you, for we have been a product of a truly great work of you O LORD,
May we praise Yahweh forevermore for the salvation he has given to us,
You didnt have to do it LORD,
BUT you did,
May My life be a praise song, a sweet thankyou unto you.

I sit here, and hear the very words you speak through your Prophets about my life,
And my tears is the only response,
For truly you are gracious and merciful, abounding in love, longsuffering,
All your thoughts to me are of good and evil,
You withhold no good thing from me,
Everything you want from and do to and for me, is for my best interest,
My mind will never comprehend your ways, but always say: what an awesome wonder you are.

LORD, the spirit of God is willingy, so I step out in faith,
Courage, Faith, Boldness, Strength, COME!
Lets go, and fight in for our LORD,
For who shall we be afraid of, or whom shall we fear!
For we sere THE LORD OUR GOD,
Ruler, creator of ALL.
The victory is already WON!

Father, may your lovingkindness and truth ever be fore me,
Your lovingkindness, that proves despite suffering, discipline etc. its all because you love those whom you correct and suffer for your name
And your truth, to keep me on the right path, and constantly liberated, no longer in the bondage of deception, but walking in the liberity of truth, your spirit!

Thankyou, I’m so happy and rejoicing, that you are able, MORE than able.
Suprise me Daddy, comfort me Daddy, Sing over me Daddy, Just come all over Daddy,
You and YOU ALONE are satisfying.

Brother A. 2010 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart)

I have a heart..

Was pondering on my heart, and what MY and I know for all of us hearts can be at times, was just trying to be REAL, not that rude real talk, but the relevant one, where I can be able to minister to you wherever your at, and not be so far off that you think I don’t understand and ignore the reality of the christian walk, so I wrote this to those who refuse to come out of that place of darkness, who have issues with their own heart etc. and I wrote it for myself, yes myself, its my way of releasing myself to God, its a testimony, its a prayer, its an outpouring of a cry from a young man’s heart. ENJOY!

I have a heart
That really knows it should love God, does genuinely want to love God,
Yet deep down its a got a thing against a brother,
The bible calls it hatred,
Tells me i don’t love God, furthermore I never knew him

I have a heart
That grieves when it stands and observes,
And sees the foolishness of this generation,
Lost, wilfully and unknowingly sinning against God of all,
it breaks and ponders on Grace, that it is only by the grace of God that im not in the same place

I have a heart
That gives up quickly when the results of prayer aren’t bang bang bang
It;s impatient
It shows itself to be one thing to fellow brothers and sisters
But in the closet
His only prayers is tears upon tears,
Because its fronting to be something that it really isn’t
Falsehood kills, everything in darkness will be brought to light,
It fears, instead of being liberated in His presence,
Its soo messed up, that it only sees God as a judge and never a Father
Who’s heart is that I have died for you and risen, that your sin may be paid for and you may live a new life
It doesn’t believe, so deception keeps it bound and lost

I have a heart
That sought to really to seek God for couple weeks,
Be set apart, consecrate itself before him,
But failed continuously,
For lack of guarding the heart and letting the issues of life take over me,
Making vows/commitments without really counting the cost,
Without really putting my WHOLE heart into, only the part that was hurting,
Wanted a Hurt-removal God, not the King of kings who wanted everything,
To scared to be vulnerable before the one, who thoughts to me were ONLY of Good,
But because i couldn’t fathom him, because I wasn’t comfortable being naked before someone I don’t really know,
I refrained and held back,
Evidently and eventually killing myself, for I kept myself away from the only real true HEALER,

I have a heart,
And I want it to really love God,
I want it to be sold out,
Not caring for the opinons of men,
Fearing no-one but Him,
Its ONLY goal to Please Him,
To love him more than my favourite worship album,
To tarry with him more than I do in the cinema or in front of the TV,
To be completely overwhelm with His love,
understanding that his commands are NOT burdensome, But are a delight,
For in Him do I really found freedom,
Am really loved by him unconditionally, I only love because He FIRST loved me

I have a heart
One day its sold out to God, A living Apostle Paul,
Tomorrow can’t be bothered, a breathing Judas!
Torn into between two agendas, myself and Gods
Loves to gives turn,
Not fully surrendered,
Doesn’t care when confronted,
It says “you dont know my heart” or “I know what im doing” or “I’m ina place”

I have a heart,
that UNDERSTANDS,
But doesn’t APPLY AND LIVE,
Ahh, knowledge, its killing my heart,
Because I accustom all the knowledge,
Yet if not conceive in my heart,
It worketh against me, its a standard I cannot live because my heart ain’t in it,
LOVE is not there, only LUST,
Lust being only there to get what I want,
But never there to lay down my life as he did,
Once again, focused on me, me, me
Not Him.

I have a heart,
In need of a transplant,
I need His for mine,
Cause my is defiled, stained and sinful,
His is righteous, pure and filled with love,
His heart is REAL LIFE,
And yeah I need real life, I want real life,
I want his heart.

I have a heart
that claims to know the truth, the light, freedom and love
Yet sit nexts to a person on the bus,
Who is bound, locked up in sin, blind, deaf, numb,
Yet doesn’t say anything, too scared,
Thinking the person really doesn’t care,
But if you go down to the depth of its heart and lay it bare.
you will see the void and space left for the God who really cares.

I have a heart Lord,
And its the seat of my life,
But i’ve come to realise I need yours to survive.

May my heart be likes yours,
Broken with what breaks yours,
Loves what yours loves,
One in you LORD,
My heart completely yours.

Here is my heart,
You can have it all….

Brother A. 2010 © All Rights Reserved. Feel Free to duplicate this writing as long as you provide this copyright notice and not distort or change it in any way. (A Cry from a Young Man’s Heart)